The Five Closest People: Why Your Circle Still Shapes Everything

I realize I have written about this before, but those who know me well I do believe in re-iterating important value.  The idea that you become the average of the five people you spend the most time with is not new. It has been echoed across books, talks, and social media feeds.

I made it a pillar in my Paint It Red Decision-Making Philosophy due to its overwhelming influence on our decision-making process.

But with Same Problems, Same Opportunities releasing next week, I want to revisit it.  No matter how many tools or strategies we use to make better decisions, there is one factor we often overlook.  I see it in everyday walks of life and business.

Our environment, especially the people in it, is constantly shaping our judgment.

And when the same problems keep showing up, it is often not a strategy issue. It is a circle issue.

1. Influence is Quiet, but Constant

We do not always notice it, but who we spend time with slowly becomes how we think, act, and react. This applies in relationships, marriage, at work, and in business.

• If your coworkers normalize cutting corners, you eventually will too.

• If your friends always dramatize setbacks, your tolerance for pressure shrinks.

• If your peers never challenge themselves, your goals will stay small.

• If your spouse has no drive, you will struggle to find your own.

In personal life, it might show up as tolerating relationships that drain you. In professional life, it might look like accepting meetings that go nowhere, decisions made out of fear, or excuses that sound reasonable.

2. You are Being Shaped

Let us say you are trying to simplify your business processes or lead more effectively. But your leadership team thrives on complexity, overthinking, and endless planning. That culture will be a major obstacle to your success.

Back when I lead process improvement teams, I followed a concept I read about called The Bus. 

You are the bus driver of your bus.  Who is on it?  Who are you letting on?  The message was clear.  Take your time letting people on and waste no time in getting those off who need to go.

Or personally, maybe you are trying to stay disciplined, or improve your finances or health. But your closest friends always nudge you to “just relax,” “live a little,” or “deal with that later.”

Same people, same patterns. Same problems, same outcomes.

It does not make them bad people.  It just means you may need new boundaries, or new influences, to grow in a new direction.

3. Audit Without Drama

You do not need to ghost people or fire half your staff.

Here is a quick personal + professional audit:

• Who pushes me to grow and who pulls me into distraction?

• Who challenges my thinking and who just echoes it?

• Who models what I want and who reinforces what I am trying to outgrow?

  
  

4. The Circle is the Shortcut

Want to improve your decision-making faster? Upgrade your environment.

In business, that means building teams that communicate clearly, solve problems without overengineering, and own results without blame.

In life, it means surrounding yourself with people who reflect your values, not just your history. You cannot make forward progress while staying stuck in backward conversations.

You cannot keep doing the same things and being around the same people and expect different results.

When your inner circle grows, so does your vision. And so does your discipline. Because when the people around you are living what you aspire to, it becomes harder to stay average.

Closing Thought

As Same Problems, Same Opportunities arrives next week, I want to leave you with this.

You can have the best playbook in the world, but if your inner circle is out of alignment…you will keep running the wrong plays.

Whether it is your executive team, your partner, your best friend, or the colleague you vent to every day, your decisions are being shaped.

Be intentional about who is in the room with you.  Ask yourself who do I sit next to the most?

Because when it comes to growth your circle is not just part of the process. It is the process. Choose wisely.